Party in the city where the heat is on. All night on the beach till the break of dawn. I’m going to Miami, welcome to Miami…

Whilst undoubtedly Miami never goes out of fashion I feel this year it is having somewhat of a renaissance as 3 of my good friends have booked, & in a shock move worthy of a Steven Spielberg epic my parents also turned west out of Heathrow last year & headed across the Atlantic for the very, very first time. Yes folks Jo & Bruce fancied a bit of the high life for themselves. Hold on to your coronitas for these photo opps as this pair attempt insta infamy.

Location. Right so first things first, when you are contemplating a vacay in MIA, there are no two ways about it you HAVE to stay in Miami Beach. Ideally South Beach in my mind, otherwise known as SoBe. Second time I went I stayed on the “mainland” & whilst the accommodation was beyond delightful the location meant I was übering back & forth to Miami beach all day, all night & once actually risked life & limb by trying to cross a motorway bridge on a bicycle, which very nearly had disastrous consequences. True story –  I actually got stopped by a dog walker as I attempted to mount the 6 lane wide 195 highway, at dusk no less, because google maps informed me it was a 15 min joy ride; that I can assure you it is not & is in fact illegal & death most certainly would have been assured. So, just don’t do it. Period. There are great cycle lanes on Venetian Way to cross over to Downtown & Wynwood which makes for a great excursion(please see below) but on the whole most touristy action is found on South beach or if you do want to splash that cash cash money there are a string of fabulous hotels just north of Lincoln Mall Road; W hotel which is gorgeous, though it doesn’t have a rooftop (boo), Fontainebleau for those with serious wadding or my personal fave – 1Hotel. Even if you don’t choose to stay here the decor in the lobby alone is enough to warrant a full blown photoshoot. Its just stunning. Plus they have a great rooftop pool which is perfect for a sundowner & a very cute vegan restaurant called Plnthouse, if you can find it amongst the swathe of corridors. Pro tip – walk straight through the gym to get there, which means you have a legitimate reason for gawping at a few of those much talked about Miami biceps. Try & go at 6pm for maximal weight lifting muscle.

Duck tour. After landing (either Miami OR Fort Lauderdale airport) the first thing I always do is a reccy to get a lie of the land. The best way to do this by far is to book yourself on a Duck tour – a peculiar vehicle that seamlessly traverses both land & sea. These go just off Lincoln Road in South Beach at 4 specified times each day & are reasonably priced at $35 for 90 minute tour. If you can ask which tour Rich is on as he is downright hilarious, though tbh I’ve been twice with different guides & neither disappointed. The route consists mainly of Washington Avenue & Ocean Drive plus a tour of the Venetian islands on boat as the road cruiser magically takes to the water midway through. Catching the last tour of the day means you can catch some of that golden glow setting on da islands which is magnificent sight.

P.s various online discounts are available on their website & if you contact me before you book I might just be able to score you some money off so get in touch.

www.ducktourssouthbeach.com

SHOPPING

Lincoln Road. For all your shopping needs Lincoln Mall pretty much provides it all. From CVS to BCBG & everything in between you can find it all & more on this pedestrianized piece of retail paradise, which becomes a great setting for some people-watching & dining after dark. For some swanky cocktails head to Juvia for some colourful concoctions aloft a multi story car park for great views of the Miami skyline. Sadly it doesn’t open until 6pm so have to get in there early-doors to get sunset, depending on time of year as in November sun sets at 5.30.

Shops at Midtown. A short walk away from Wynwood is an area known as midtown which has a few very american shops that you might want to frequent for the pure thrill of it. Nothing terribly exciting we are talking Target, Ross & Marshalls mostly but if you are a bargain hunter like me it’s worth a gamble to see what gems you might find. There is also a guess factory store in the vicinity which again just may come up trumps. 

Miami Design District. If high end luxury shopping is more your scene then this designer haven might be more suitable than the aforementioned. Super fancy brands include Cartier, Dior, Isabel Marant, Aesop you name it.  Beautifully presented, its worth a looksie for a selfie amongst the stunning architecture alone. Do not ride your bike in there though, firsthand I can tell you that does not go down well.

DINING

Española Way. Whilst I thoroughly encourage a few drinks on Ocean drive in SoBe, it is a mecca for overpriced, poor food in my humble opinion. Instead, as I mentioned before there are a plethora of cute eateries on Lincoln Road but for a change of scenery just off Washington Avenue there is a beaut street called Española Way with its faux cobbled lane & fairy lights above. I’ve dined there in what is probably the only french restaurant in the city never mind the Spanish quarter & on another occasion at an Italian so can’t really comment on the Spanish cuisine but it’s a super nice alternative to the humdrum of the other more built up areas so def worth scheduling a visit.

11th Street Diner. Just down the road on 11th & Washington there is a kitsch little diner open 24/7 on the weekend & near enough that the rest of the week for all your junk food needs, housed in a retro rail-road style carriage which makes for a nice photo opportunity –>

Versace Mansion. For an extra special outing, if you can overlook the sometimes snooty demeanour of the staff on the front desk then you can simply not go wrong with lunch at the Versace mansion. They offer dinner too but I can’t help but think you might miss some of the gorgeous mosaic detail the sun bounces off during the day. Plus the lunch menu is so unbelievably priced it would be rude not to. For three courses it is only $29 which will comfortably be your best value meal. Miami is an outrageously expensive city; keep an eye out for the added service charge which can often be an eye watering 20%, here included. Booking is definitely necessary for this one & I would ask for a table on the terrace overlooking the pool as the courtyard lacks pizazz. Ooo & don’t forget to have a nosey once you are in there, the front room is just something else.

reservations@victorhotels.com

+786-485-2200

Drag brunch at The Palace bar on Ocean Drive takes place in two sittings on Fridays, Saturdays & Sundays & with the tagline – “Don’t be a dry hoe, be a greasy bitch” it is not for the faint-hearted. Its an outrageous show that tumbles out onto the street with impressive acrobatics so come prepared with a wad full of $1 notes to decorate the performers as you show your appreciation. For those not willing to part with $45 a head it is worthwhile timing your walk down Ocean Drive to coincide with this spectacle, & if you like what you see you can even take a pew on the bench opposite. From here you can watch from a safe distance along with the slowing down cars & further enjoy watching the wide eyed, open mouthed gawping public. Hoot guaranteed – my newlywed cousin said it was the surprise highlight of their honeymoon.

www.palacesouthbeach.com

PARTYING

Day parties. Even though Nikki beach Miami is the original in the chain, for some reason I just don’t vibe with it in the same way I do with its other locations like Marbella & Majorca. It isn’t enclosed & has no swimming pool so there’s no focal point. I just find it a bit messy. There are tons of other day parties centred around pools all over Miami Beach year round owing to the fantastic 365 weather, especially during Miami Winter Music Conference which happens around March. This also culminates in Ultra festival towards end of the week which hosts many of the top electronic DJs worldwide & is always a top notch event.

Ocean Drive. Center stage on Ocean Drive, Mangoes is a South Beach institution. Good old fashioned touristy fun with dancers on the bar tops in the gawdiest of outfits that would make even Bruno Tonioli blush. My preference on this stretch of road is actually Oceans Ten a few doors down. It is open air & has live music on most nights. Dancing under the lights alfresco with a giant frozen daiquiri in hand – both hands most likely as it’s so big – is for me a huge holiday highlight & big plus – no cover charge.

Nightclubs. The big clubs, LIV, Story etc are all ridiculously kitted out & all have big name DJs so check listings for who is on, I particularly like the the club at W Hotel; its a good size & the crowd is not overly pretentious

Little Havana. An alternative night out can be found in Little Havana where you will find quaint live Cuban music & many a happy face hoping to wax lyrical about all manner of personal plights & current affairs. Stop by for a drink & optional cigar & see where the eve takes you.

 

THINGS TO DO

Wynwood Walls. It is mandatory to spend at minimum one afternoon wandering the streets of Wynwood taking in the ever-changing, utterly glorious street art. Some of the best I’ve ever seen & combining it with a sedate bar crawl on the weekend or indeed any day of the week, you are on holiday after all, it is a fine way to spend a day. Super sad to have just heard about the relocation of Wynwood Yard to further afield as it was a fantastic venue but with Wynwood being so regenerative new spots & experiences are popping up all the time & you are spoiled for choice. 

My preferred way to get here is by bike which leads us to…

Bike ride. Miami Beach is very cycle friendly. There are cycle paths & many roads are slow moving, due to rented super-car posing. The city offers a bike rental scheme which is awesome value for money & you can even get your own key fob for easy access if you are hanging around for up to 30 days. Prices can be found here & bikes are located all over the city, & are 

well serviced, I couldn’t recommend more. My favourite trip to do is starting by Southpoint pier  where you look over to the Venetian islands & through the park, past nikki beach where you then grab a bike & cycle along the beach path continuing on to the boardwalk (despite the signs saying no bikes, no one has ever stopped me. If they do just feign ignorance & put that non American accent to good use!) From here you can either take 17th just beyond the Delano & cycle straight across to Venetian Way or you can go a little further & take in some more of the beach turning right at the W hotel to take in the Bass museum before turning back towards 17th via Washington Avenue. Once on the islands look out for lizards & the draw bridge & stop for a couple of photo opportunities with the Beckhams holiday home in the distance. Once onto the mainland take the first right, passing the park before joining Biscayne Boulevard & hanging a left towards Wynwood on 29th. It will take a couple of hours so once you are there reward yourself with a nice cool drink pretty much anywhere or you could even choose to enjoy my fave brussel sprout dish at Wynwood Diner. 

Trolley travel. If cycling on your holibobs sounds like far too much effort an alternative to get around is The Trolley. Numerous routes & completely free it is an easy way to navigate the whole of Miami Beach. More details here.

Microtheater is yet another interesting way to spend an evening. Here some very talented, creative thespians put on short 15 minute shows in storage containers for audiences of up to 10 people. It’s intimate, its fun & at $7 a pop its a pretty thrifty night also. Many of the shows are in Spanish owing to the demographic of Miami but that shouldn’t deter english speakers. Actors are expressive & interact heavily with the crowd to ensure a good time is had by all, & in any case at least 2 of the plays will be featured in English at any one time as far as I know. We watched 3 plays & enjoyed some drinks & street food in between. Thoroughly enjoyable evening.

https://microtheatermiami.com/en/home/

Beaches. Have you even been to Miami if you don’t go to the beach? Perhaps not & there’s plenty reason. These incredible beach huts for one. All of them unique, painted in the wildest of colours they are an instagram dream. The beach runs practically the whole length of the island & is super wide so plenty of space for everyone though if you are looking for something a little quieter heading south to an alternative island like Key Biscayne might be more your bag plus the park there makes for a nice walk.

Venetian pool. I have actually never been to the Venetian pool in Coral Gables so reviewing it here blind is a bit risky but it does look pretty from photos & could be a good option if you have kids. I haven’t been mainly due to the artificial nature of it but I thought it was worth mentioning in case that floats your boat. More info here.

Key West is accessible by car & plenty of tour operators run trips. It’s a quirky little place whose claim to fame is being the southernmost tip of the United States. It has a funny little vibe & apparently things can get more than a little crazy after dark. This doesn’t surprise me since I saw this pink rabbit on the high street tinkling the ivories at around 2.30pm.

So there you have it, my Miami highlights! Undoubtedly I have missed out some pearls so do please comment below for inclusion for my next trip. Until then, happy travels!