Meme of the day

No in between. Accurate level 11.

Luckily for me today was a good day.

I still woke up horrendously late at 11.53am but I jumped into action because I had stuff to do & people to see (from a healthy distance.)

First up I had to go pick up my new modem & I was super excited about leaving the house & driving my car for first time in three days. I know it’s only been a few days & there’s probably been plenty of times I haven’t left the house for that long & not even noticed but it’s different now. Everything feels different. There’s a strange layer that’s sitting on the surface of this seemingly ordinary looking situation & every now & then I delve deeper into it & really observe the absurdity of it. It’s apocalyptic nature widening my eyes & making my brain fizz. The fact this is life now. For several months at least. Maybe more. Everything closed by law bar retail*. Must maintain 2 metre distances. Only essential travel. No toilet roll for love nor money. (I’m genuinely scared to look under the sink to count how many I have) Workplaces shut. People out of employment. Businesses in ruins. Governments stepping in to pay rents. Prospect of lockdown & fines for leaving your house like in other European countries. The side effects of all this is multi fold. It’s hard to get your head round. A global epidemic where everyone is affected.

*Many non food retailers are scaling back & closing down their operations as well. Yesterday River Island, my main client, closed all its hundreds of outlets in the UK until further notice.

Anyway despite the heavy nature of the situation I did briefly contemplate walking round town dressed as the corona virus for jokes but I was so excited about having a reason to apply makeup that I went a bit OTT & ended up shovelling the stuff on my face until I was at at least tranny level 7. Felt really nice to be dressed up actually. I’d washed my hair & given I had my online dance party on the horizon I put my sequinned trousers on & even donned a little bow in my hair. Sun was out to make life feel even better & I got the Virgin Media box & along the way was feeling so enthused about my new lease of life that I put the windows down & blared Pharells Happy at full blast & tried to wave at people to spread a bit of cheer. Mostly people looked a bit bewildered but I did manage to get one wave plus I saw a girl I know from Zumba who I hollered at through the window & we had a little chat which was nice.

Then I hotstepped to my parents to drop off essential supplies from the doorway. Zero contact. Was a bit strange freezing my arse off outside shouting through the hallway but needs must. My mum has crazy blood pressure right now & my dad is pushing 70 so best to leave them fully isolated. I then sped home, mostly because I needed a wee & couldn’t bring myself to pee in their front garden.

When I got back there was little over an hour before my scheduled Instagram dance party so I tidied a bit & got to work with the new modem. I had difficulty extracting the cables from the walls & tings so called upon Instagram hive to help me which they duly did. Two of my friends, one of whom is across the Atlantic, lent a hand plus a stranger with a Scottish accent left me a voice note explaining what I needed to do. Was amazing really. Technology is incredible. As are people. In a few minutes I knew exactly what I needed to do. I probably didn’t require neighbour Jack to come down but I thought I needed a screwdriver so he came down, without one bizarrely, & sat all over my sofa which gave me the squirm a bit but I think he’s been in isolation all week so he’s safe. Still I wiped down the surfaces after he left just to be sure. Yep it’s getting in my head too folks. Thought suppose doesn’t hurt to be careful. Plus got to do something with the bumper pack of antibacterial wipes my dad gifted me for my holiday. It’s bloody mahusif. Think Costco proportions.

So with 20 minutes to spare I had broadband lift off. Yippeeeee! FEELS. SO. GOOD. I plugged in my disco lightbulb, blew up approximately three balloons & slung on a matching sequinned top & was good to go. Oh yeh I also opened up a jar of olives & put them in a display bowl like I was having real people round & put my cordial into a fluted glass to make it feel more party. Felt fun. I put the music on, lights, camera, action & I boogied for a whole 30 minutes! Was a bit euphoric at times. Over 200 people in total tuned in at different times & we had some cameos from my cousin, my ex boyfriends brothers family(!) & a couple of random men in strangely lit clinical looking environments who didn’t say much but I’m just relieved didn’t show us their penis.

All in all a good result & I’ll probably do it again next week. Though now my eyes have been opened to the possibilities there’s a million one ways to entertain in this new environment. There’s an amazing app called houseparty where you can play multiplayer games & the rabble lot are using something called discord & Jackbox or something or other. Anyway I shall be exploring now I’m online. Sometimes I do catch myself quite enjoying this new mode. I’ve never spent so much time at home. I only moved in here in September after three years travelling, then I had a boyfriend for three months so spent most of my time at his & then I was abroad for three weeks & just came back from a two week stint away & prior to that I was staying at least one or two nights in London every week so feels quite luxurious this. My sofa has never seen so much action. Anyway was a fun evening. After broadcasting my own party I jumped around a few other live-streams including my mate StreekyB where I did a little dance PA on screen, had a lovely chat with my mate Tam & finished off the olives. All in all a good day. Excited tomorrow to go on t’internet too. Haven’t traded since last year so excited to get my charts up & see what’s popping which shouldn’t be too hard to miss. Plummet mode full steam ahead I imagine. Anyway I must get earlier night tonight. Thanks to everyone who joined me earlier, I loved it. Feeling positive (& much less lonely)

Mucho love, stay sane-itized xxxx