Slow day.
Got up marginally earlier but am still in my PJ’S so says it all really. Though it is Sunday so give me a break.
Spoke to my Mum for Mothers Day & beat her in an assortment of online games whilst she drank some vino from the emergency supply pack I gifted her. Not exactly your classic mothers day gift… two bags of rice, a couple of tins of hard to locate, even under normal circumstances, black beans & a slab of parmesan but thats the world we are living in right now peeps.
Sunbathed, if you can call it that, on my kitchen floor. I was fully clothed but it felt so so warm I swear I could have tanned. That or downstairs still has their heating on & I was feeling the effects.
Read a bit.
Went on Tinder for the first time in ages & matched with my first ever boyfriend who I haven’t seen since we were 14 when he got expelled from school. I haven’t told him yet but he left an indelible mark when he pioneered ghosting aged 12 when he didn’t pick up any of my 32 calls to his landline one evening. The reasoning I heard on the schoolyard grapevine later was that I was “frigid” after giving him my cheek instead of my mouth when he asked for a kiss, after a date chaperoned by his Mum to McDonalds. The next day I was met with a barrage of abuse by his mates who unbeknownst to me had been counting at the other end…. Oh the shame.
N.b the other indelible mark he made during our brief courtship was on the medical room chair. I believe to this very day the arm still has “I love Jade A cor she is fit” carved into it.
Also had an argument on there with a guy I recognized off First Dates, well I say I recognized, he was actually advertising the fact, with a moving gif no less, of himself on the show, with the words First Dates emblazoned across it so he wasn’t exactly hard to place. Anyway I dropped him in the deep end to test his banter levels immediately (because that’s what we are here for surely folks) & asked whether he slept with the girl because they were practically making ze love on the date – it was a very memorable episode. Diehards feel free to message me for who – it was the “celeb” version too so that alone should be enough to work out who it was . But anyway, he got all uppity about it & asked whether I was actually looking for someone because I was wasting his time. When I said good luck referring to the current climates government guidelines that are dictating our social lives right now; as in nobody can date anyone you fool, he thought I was having a go at him & scoffed he needed no such luck. Then when I proceeded to explain he called me a prick & disappeared, un-matching me in the process. It was all very swift & dramatic & I laughed for a solid 12 seconds before resuming my swiping.
Still haven’t cooked. Mainly living off easy peelers & bowls of cereal currently but end of the milk is nigh & I’m not sure I can go back to my water lubricant days – not until things get reeeeaally desperate.
P.s Writing this I am sat in an armchair that I moved close to the window for maximal light & quite incidentally, now its dark I have the most perfect view into my neighbour’s kitchen. Two, not entirely unattractive men are cooking dinner. Their relationship thus far remains ambiguous, & the fellow in the black tee must be ravenous because he definitely hasn’t left that casserole in the oven long enough to warrant the amount of time he is spending peering into it. I shall keep you informed.
