Its unlikely anyone has noticed my absence this past weekend but if so please accept my apologies. I gave myself the day off only for it to become 2 without even noticing in all honesty. Days bear little resemblance to the norm & since upgrading my neck crick to pinched nerve status I’ve been sleeping irregularly & have little notion of the day, the mealtime, the hour. The pain has been quite unrelenting making sleep & other activities nigh on impossible, as its presence is quite debilitating as a constant source of unerring misery. Though having said that… my instagram does tell an ever so slightly different story…

Underlining the incredible power of music, for several hours yesterday I tuned into DJ EZ’s 24 hour set & I literally could not stop moving. The tunes were UNREAL which could actually really explain the accelerated rate of pain I’ve experienced since, come to think if it…

I tried a few times over last 48 hours to sit down & write but it proved too uncomfortable but alas today after much experimentation & contortion I have discovered that if I lie on the couch with my legs elevated & my body tilted slightly to the right with my head propped on 1.5 cushions at a 30 degree slant its just about bearable so here I am.

Not huge amount to update you on in any case. I left the house only once since I wrote last to pick up some ibuprofen for my neck/shoulder conundrum (which hasn’t helped at all) & whilst only a short walk down the road to the Co-op I was struck with the seemingly apocalyptic nature of the world currently. The weather has turned a bit colder & bleaker & the desolate empty nature of the streets combined with the wide berths people take from one another is pretty bizarre. People are crossing the road about half a mile ahead of you on average & eye contact is pretty much unheard of, leading to a real lack of comradeship. I bet in war times camaraderie was at an all time high. Sadly not during this battle. People are suspicious. All it takes is a sniff & people jump a mile. On my way back from Colombia I actually witnessed two girls fake cough to get a seat near the departure gate. The target could not have behaved any more perfectly, becoming airborne for a few moments as she jumped to her feet & scurried off. Was like being centre stage at a sketch show. Anyway on arrival at Co-op it became apparent only 3 people are allowed entry at a time so I waited my turn in a queue spaced out 2 metres apart from one another in complete silence freezing my ass off. All very sombre. Well apart from a couple of teenagers on BMX’s, who I highly doubt were from the same household, who were wheelie-ing down the street. One of which came into the store after me & actually forced me into early exit because he wanted to leave the shop & because of the insanely narrow layout of this particular store I had no real option but to comply! I was just at the baked good section as well & was eyeing up some iced buns so that put pay to that. In the end there was only time to grab a lowly Milky Way at the check out, (which I did actually eat very slowly on return & it was divine; possibly the highlight of my Saturday. True story.)

So that’s it; my crazy weekend! Little else happened, bar some minor emotional turmoil as I did lose the plot ever so slightly at the thought of this going on until June, which now appears very likely. I’ve absolutely smashed week 1 but another 10 weeks?! That would test even the most robust. I haven’t had a hug for a few weeks already, the last one being with someone I would rather forget also, & my only face to face conversation has been with cashiers & briefly with my parents from about 10 foot. Major potential to go a bit stir crazy. So pre-empting that, I found an online therapist today who is kindly offering her services at half price during this difficult time, so I am skyping with her tomorrow. Be interesting to see what I can learn about myself.

I do feel like, despite the desperate state of the world currently, this really does present a golden opportunity for many of us to take stock. How many times have you wished time would standstill so you could catch up on something or learn something etc. So I’m going in. I don’t want to regret not using this time wisely. Its a gift. So following that revelation, its very possible that I might let this diary slide from time to time, though I hope not as its therapeutic in itself but I do hope to take up some new online courses maybe & finish the god damn What Jade did First Hawaii story. For the love of god I’ve dragged that out long enough! I also need to finish the podcast I’ve started & I want to get trading again, so yes lots to be getting on with I guess. Had a quite slow start today however as when I wasn’t sleeping in my new found comfortable position(whoops face) I pretty much only read but I didn’t post once on social media (!) & also finished a great book that I’ve been actively trying not to finish because its so good – The Unexpected Joy of Being Single. I’ve really enjoyed it & have screen shot about a dozen pages for my own personal day to day memos & further still, <drumroll> it prompted me to delete the two dating apps I’ve been messing around with this last week. A move which could really accelerate my output in all fairness given its distraction potential. Maybe this slow day will pay dividends after all.

Right now the last thing I need to be doing is talking endlessly to people who I am unable to meet in real life. Too easy to get involved with people online, filling in all the gaps yourself without legitimately getting to know them in real life. Major time suck. So they are gone which is possibly going to make me a bit more lonely in the interim but I know it’s for the best. I want to invest this extraordinary time in me & me alone*. After all, there is no need to look for your other half when you are already whole yourself right?

That’s my (& my new therapists) goal.

Good luck Katrina.

*I’m not planning on becoming completely self absorbed fyi, just sounded more dramatic – me & me alone, without a bracket full of other people tagged on the end.