Too many memes, too many many memes….

Right, I’ll be blowed I’ve only actually gone & had what at least felt like a productive day. I can’t be entirely sure of quality of output but words were indeed written, seemingly into sentences. Furthermore I observed the recognised minimum standards of hygiene by brushing teeth AND hair, having a shower, changing underwear & holy smokes I only gone put an actual waistband on! Yes folks call me crazy but for some reason I felt it desirable to wear jeans today. Having something sit snug to my bod actually felt pretty darn good, but without fail, rest assured normal elasticated service shall resume tomorrow.

Part of the reason for “dressing up,” ooh jumper & jeans you go girl (!), was my first therapy session with Katrina over Skype which was thoroughly delightful. Unsurprising really since it consisted primarily of me talking about myself,: no hardship there. Though admittedly I was expecting a Welsh accent owing to her location so she lost points for that. In any case 50 minutes waxing lyrically about myself was a joy until with 8 minutes to go I was absolutely busting for the toilet but I held on like a trooper & even booked another session in for next week. Unsure whether we will go beyond the surface level. I would certainly like to uncover some deep & meaningfuls about myself but even if it just comes to accountability regards my goals & ensuring I don’t re-download the bloody dating apps it will be worthwhile. Though to be honest I don’t foresee that being an issue. Like I mentioned yesterday I want to be whole. Me, myself & I. My love life can only improve from thereon in…. DEEP.

(Plus a very real indicator of my progress is this evening I had a Cadbury’s Flake dessert which is Mr Panamas favourite chocolate bar of all time but despite taking the photo I am very proud to say I did not send it! See! What progress!)

So for the record, mainly I want to finish all the projects I have started & get these monkeys off my shoulder:

• finish the F*cking What Jade Did First Hawaii story FFS (the expletives are well deserved, no apology)
• write up all my dating anecdotes as already organised on my website. Being brutally honest, tell the truth, the whole truth & nothing but the truth.
• record at least 5, ideally 7 episodes of my podcast/youtube channel
• write up 5 other articles on the tip of my tongue that are just begging to be written
• Once the above complete I can begin to reintroduce trading into my life. Haven’t actually placed a trade now since June 2019 which makes me feel sick in itself. Plus I am missing the most outlandishly volatile markets ever currently but plainly it requires complete discipline & focus which I haven’t got available until I get the former out of my system. So it shall have to wait.
• I’m also looking at alternate parallel career paths & will be researching online courses on everything from digital marketing, screen writing to programming. Hell why not. Any suggestions gratefully received.

So what else, ah yes excitingly / scarily I got an email about volunteering today & having downloaded the app & inputted my login details I am now officially on call to receive a call to duty message (the siren notification is crazy piercing, hear for yourself below) at any time. On hearing that I will be directed into picking up medications & dropping patients off from hospitals. Unsure how busy the service will be. I can imagine Cambridge is a city of do-gooders who will be tripping over themselves to help so unsure what to expect. Let’s see what happens tomorrow.

Caution: this video is ear piercing & not the Claires accessories kind…

I wasn’t planning on leaving the house today until I realised the average steps recorded on my phone the last three days was 32, cumulatively a grand total that failed to exceed 100. Shocked at that knowledge I felt compelled to go for a walk despite it darkening outside. Ended up going all the way to Sainsbury’s despite my arsing neck flaring up again & I don’t know if its a retreat to childlike comforts or just a yearning for some nostalgia but I did find myself reaching for some odd items today. Things I would never normally buy; fruit corners, rice pudding, fish fingers. Tomorrow is going to feel like school dinners up in here. Excited.

So there we have it guys, I did warn you that this diary wasn’t going to be all singing, all dancing. Well in all fairness it pretty much was last week. I feel like during my first week of of isolation, battling rejection, the holiday blues, & shock unemployment in a mere 24 hour period I put a brave face on & showpony-ied my way into this pandemic, living on an ever so manic edge where I only intermittently stopped to think for a brief moment before careering off again in another hysteria driven moment. Its all been a bit mad. Entertaining for those on the sidelines I’m sure & a jolly good time for me but mentally exhausting really & now I’m super happy to be feeling more settled & organised with a clearer outlook for the next couple of months. All being well I will aim to un-inundate you with updates as surely they shall be minimal. See you in a few days.

Mucho love & as ever stay sane-itized xxxxx