I wake up on my birthday buzzing with excitement. I already knew the fridge was full of goodies so regardless of everything else it was going to be a good day. There were things in there I haven’t had for months so that’s exciting in itself. I get up & pour myself a mimosa & standby for a video call from my sister in Manchester & my parents up the road. They had been nagging me to get online for an hour prior to schedule but it hadn’t twigged why that might be the case.
They were super excited. Unbeknownst to me my sister had been collecting video messages from my friends & family far & wide & had assembled them, well over 40 in total, into 7 different videos that she drip-fed me throughout the call, each time believing that to be the last one. IT WAS SO GOOD! I’m tempted to post them all here for prosperity but people might get mad at me. Heres just a couple to give you the flavour.
I can’t tell you just how wonderful it was to see everyones faces & have them talk to me. I have watched them all innumerable times since. I am so grateful to my sister & mum for organising. I was in tears both with emotion & laughter, it was just brilliant. Thank you to everyone for taking part, it really did mean so much & I highly recommend anyone planning for someones iso-birthday to do the same. It brings SO MUCH joy. Getting all damp eyed thinking about it. It was so so wonderful. I love you all so so much.
After I had finished crying next up was the mysterious Xmas themed bag my Mum had given me earlier in the week. It was a game I was told. And the game was called Guess the Shit Gift! I am responsible for all my parents supplies currently, the only place my mum goes maybe once or twice a week is the Post Office over the road to pick up cigarettes & the odd pint of milk, followed by a crazy sanitisation process that has her stripping off in the porch upon return & dousing everything with 70% ethanol. As a result everything in this bag of bounty had been bought at the village Post Office. Items included Happy Shopper Orange Juice, a box of Heroes (that led to the consumption of my first ever Double Decker ooooh), non Heinz baked beans I had desperately bought them 2 weeks prior that they didn’t want, same with a bag of brown rice & a packet of spaghetti that I had bought them, but hadn’t quite come up to snuff. A bottle of rose from their stockpile. An assortment of scratchcards; basically the best gift ever – hope. More Happy Shopper items including a swiss roll & candles to blow out later. Some old bath salts from my own cupboard at home that had been doing the re-re-re-gifting rounds for years that nobody ever wanted. It was a motley crew of goods & I loved it! Was so fun to guess & I barely stopped laughing.
I was having a ball guessing & we had just reached the end of the gift bag & things were winding down when weirdly I heard my name being called from outside. Curious. Who is that? I abruptly get up from the video chat & poke my head outside & I am shocked to see two blokes on bikes. One of which is my sisters beloved ex boyfriend who we all adore standing there brandishing a backpack. Totally taken aback & dumbfounded I start screeching what & hows at him & it transpires my sister has sent my birthday present via him to ensure peak surpriseness. Well she certainly achieved that. I am positively giddy with excitement at it all & some of the neighbours poke their heads over the wall to see what all the fuss is. He leaves the backpack in the stairwell for me to pick up & its a bottle of prosecco & posh chocolates which actually I have just remembered I haven’t eaten yet so that’s high on todays agenda yay!
The surprise was so good I just couldn’t believe it. So unexpected. India you really did excel yourself beyond all measure this year. WOW WOW WOW. And thank you Deiron; he had cycled miles so I am indebted to you also, thank you. I waved him & his pal off after some chat which included my family on the laptop hollering at him over the balcony as well & had a shower to get ready for the rest of the day. I wanted to glam up in my sparkle pony party dress. My sister had created me a spotify playlist so that was blaring & I was just riding high on amazingly good all round rhythms. What an amazing start to the day. It couldn’t possibly get any better. Or could it?
Out the shower I get dressed & bung some make up on to make me feel pwetty. I’ve just finished when I hear a loud whistle. I pause & look out the balcony open mouthed as I see two colourful figures singing to me from below. It takes my eyes some adjusting as its just SO unexpected but its two of my pals from Rabble, the group exercise crew I belong to. Jo & Alex – housemates I might add are standing there waving at me & I just can not believe my eye sockets. What are they doing here!?! Adorned with flower leis & party hats they have brought me gifts of prosecco, flowers & a gorgeous buddy box full of trinkets. I felt so taken aback by it, it was actual dizzying. I’m not entirely sure I made sense whilst talking to them. What an unreal surprise. My heart was exploding & the smile on my face was just beaming so wide it hurt. What gorgeous people. I didn’t & still don’t feel worthy of such a surprise. If any rabblers are reading, thank you so so much. It was just wow! I’ve never been surprised to that degree before, what an incredible high. I couldn’t believe the day had taken on new heights. This videos features both surprises.
Its now close to 1pm & the girls are still here primed for my singsong. I stand on my chair & clear my throat with a cough before declaring the time & asking the neighbours to join us in song. Unbelievably 2 neighbours from the adjacent properties stick their heads out of their patio doors & join in & towards the end of the song some other neighbours from across the road who I have been helping with their groceries also arrive.
I am just bursting with happiness at this point. The sign was successful. Two massive balcony based surprises & all those amazing birthday messages. My life was complete. Wow what a day. I was in 7th heaven. So so cool. I make a speech & everyone departs & I am left reeling on my own. I lie down on the balcony & record a little message to try to convey the level of happy I am at but in reality it just reveals that perhaps I’ve had a teensy tiny too much much to drink.
I lie there basking in it all. Im just so god damn happy. Who would have thought an isolation birthday could feel so good! Perhaps the best even! I treat myself to a bit of Wham! dance around the flat a bit with some crumpets, as preparing a full blown brunch at this stage is completely beyond me & then prepare for “my run”.
I knew I had to leave the house today, I wanted to be as close to action & people as social distancing allowed so with my birthday badge, wrapped up in banners & my speaker on loud, I took to the streets. For the most joyful hour of exercise possibly anyone has ever had I hooted & hollered at people & danced my way around the city. It was insanely fun & quite frankly exhausting.
Back home & my presence is in demand for the first of three video conference calls. This first one is poorly attended due to parenting & camera shy cousins but it was so good to see my cousin Kashaka & her gorgeous family it didn’t matter. I don’t see or talk to her anywhere near enough so it was a really nice treat to see everyone on there larking around. Her daughter Eden even did me her impression of Stevie Wonder. It was a JOY. Love you guys xx
Next up I had around 10 minutes before my Mums family rocked up to the next google hangout so I had a quick shimmy on the balcony to pump up the jam on IG Live to get people in the party mood.
Then its back in front of the screen to an astonishing array of familar faces. We represented across the ages from all corners of the country & despite talking over each other consistently it was just wonderful to see one another & to glimpse briefly into each others worlds. My cousin is pregnant so got to see her bump, my great auntie is new to tech so only got to see her fringe pretty much the entire time & my cousins kids showed off their koi carp. It was lush I loved it.
With no time to spare however it was onto the next. I had assembled a group of friends to take part in a Jade based quiz & although people kept dropping in & out enough of us participated for it to be a rib tickling time. Points were awarded for correct answers & any that made me laugh which pretty much guaranteed me to be in hysterics the whole time. Questions included:
Q. Whats the weirdest reason Jade has gone to A&E? A. An imaginary worm in her arsehole (please see here for details if desirable)
Q. What bones have I broken? A. none of my own. Though I did break an ex’s penis once for bonus points.
Q. How old was I when I found out about Santa? A. Embarrassingly 11.
Q. On Take Me Out where did i stand in the line up left to right? A. Lucky number 2!
Q. How many men have I been in love with with? A. All of them.
After Esma was crowned winner from her scarily good knowledge of my life. I had 10 minutes downtime before the scheduled party kicked off on Instagram Live. I lay there on the balcony trying to mentally collect myself from what had been a truly non-stop day when the phone rang. I couldn’t say no. I spent the next ten minutes in conversation trying to recuperate but in all honesty it was all downhill from here. I turn the camera on & before long I have an audience of 25 tuned in whilst I bounce around & continue to field unwanted calls. I last about an hour before collapsing in an exhausted heap.
