Something weird has happened.
I appear to be getting used to the situation.
What is usually a big manic event has now turned banal as this weeks big shop fails to ignite hysteria.
I am shocked & appalled. Whilst its nice to be mania free I do not want to become de-sensitized to the situation. I do not want this to become our norm, but after 6 weeks that is precisely whats happening. All around I see people are adjusting & getting on with it. A shift is definitely occurring. I can go a few days without even mentioning the C word. Sometimes I pretty much forget whats happening. This is despite deaths now well above the 25k mark, showing little sign of abate. Yet this is life now. More businesses are opening, more people are on the streets but all observing the needed precautions & staying a clear 2 metres away. I know its necessary but its difficult to come to terms with this new world order. A world where 2 metres is the magic number for all encounters, where face masks are the norm, where children are unable to play with one another, where you have to queue for e v e r y t h i n g. There’s a whisper doing the rounds that post lockdown 15 will be the maximum cap for gatherings, including weddings, funerals, you name it for the foreseeable future. Can kiss good bye to concerts, theatre trips, festivals, holidays, restaurants, bars… Until we have a vaccine which is years off, there is little alternative. Sad times. But keep calm & carry on we will.
Tesco was still no easy feat. I was shopping for 4 people so the trolley logistics alone were a blooming nightmare. Kudos to me though for pre-organising the all important shopping list. Categorised by household in order of Tesco layout, it worked a treat. I can’t say I managed to stick to the one way system entirely though, I’m no angel.
I do the rounds & my final drop of the day was with the wonderful Kay, one of my good friends Great Aunt. 92 years young – doesn’t she look fantastic! Such a love, she invited me into her garden & picked me some lillies of the valley to take home which were extraordinarily fragrant. Filled my entire flat with perfume for a week that little bunch did! Was glorious.
Back home decompression was much shorter than normal & there was no need to let off steam on the balcony dancefloor but, having received some requests from friends & being dressed to the nines, I got up & shook my lil tush tush & in doing so advertised the fact I am now happily a performing monkey willing to take requests from all.
I had another virtual speed dating session lined up straight after but had worked up such a sweat to ‘House of Pains’ big choon Jump Around a change of ensemble was in order so sadly my dates were not privy to sequins this time round which is just as well because later on I saw that two of the girls attending were in their PJs! It appears lockdown has really pushed social etiquette to its extremes.
This session was run by a different company to last time & it was vastly superior. I LOVED IT. First of all you all log on to to a group area where you can type in the group chat whilst being serenaded live by an attractive chap on a piano. Then as per a schedule you are politely asked to click on the dating tab where your first 3 minute date appears! And here’s the best bit it actually worked! It was bloody brilliant. Three minutes obviously flies by ridiculously quickly &, whilst you can see the timer counting down, often you fail to round out the conversation by then so the talking head simply disappears only to be replaced moments later by a brand new one! What a hoot! I met 7 men. All of them really lovely, none of whom did I have a spark with unsurprisingly, well I mean perhaps this guy but having made conversation exclusively with his forehead the entire time it’s hard to say.
I was really enjoying myself, getting all giddily excited about meeting new people, from the comfort of my own living room when a new guy popped up on the screen. There he was lying on his bed, gold bed knobs & all, lazing suggestively. I told him this boudoir setting was a bit much for the first date which prompted him to close his legs thankfully but then I noticed he had a pen & notepad. “Are you taking notes?!” I shriek laughing my head off. He awkwardly stammers & doesn’t know how to respond. “Draw me like one of your French girls” I say, throwing my head back dramatically, only for his unamused face to disappear & be replaced with Frederick.
Honestly this was such good clean fun. Loved, loved it. More of this please silicon valley. Look at how happy I am.
After the one to ones finished, one of the members in the chat clearly as buoyed as I was with the evenings proceedings suggested an afterparty on zoom so half of us darted over there to continue the good vibrations but I’ve got to say I found it plain awkward. Couple of girls were vying for control of the mic, one guy on a guitar soldiering on with his rendition of something or other & two men on a couch being badgered to sing along. Please god don’t let this be the ghost of party future. I make as discreet an exit as possible considering your browser announces it to all & sundry that Jade has left the chat & head to bed, checking my phone quickly to see a stack of inappropriate dance requests including Akons ” Smack that”on my insta & tut myself to sleep
Aside from a pretty walk & a close call with a cowpat the next day is pretty unremarkable except I finally lose my tether with the remnants of birthday streamers I still have lacing from wall to wall in my living room that means I have to stoop twice to get to the kitchen. I call time but unwilling to completely let go I instead rehouse them outside mostly, pimping the balcony as it so rightly deserves. I finish up just in time for the clap for our carers at 8pm & christen the new decor simultaneously with party poppers & blowers. They make minimal noise but the rest of the neighbourhood does a cracking job of picking up my slack & the fireworks are a really nice touch. Well done Cambridge & most importantly well done NHS, you absolute superstars. Can’t even begin to comprehend the stress you are under & whilst I for one am luckily enough to be able to close my eyes & pretend this is not happening, those of you on the front line do not have that luxury. Forever grateful.
