Despite posting a lot of late, I am still outrageously behind on this diary so rest assured I am hanging my unwashed head in shame. BUT the good news is I’ve been busy with good shiz, happy shiz, even PROUD shiz. It’s exciting so I’ll whizz through the practicalities of the week then I’ll hit you with some revelations straight off the press.
The weather is still quite poor but its been quite nice to break up the monotony of the sunshine plus the rain has meant I’ve been wearing my much beloved umbrella hat. Haven’t exactly been styling it out though, my choice of clothing lately is bizarre at best. Not sure what cowboy rockstar style I was channeling with this.
I’ve also been donning a wig for extra razzmatazz & using it as an umbrella hat substitute for when its too much agg to take the hat off inside shops, whilst carrying numerous shopping bags. I think its practical but not sure onlookers comprehend its many virtues, judging by the reactions of the local builders. Echos of “oh here she comes again” bellow through nextdoors scaffolding on the daily. I’m doing a great job at cementing myself as the neighbourhood crazie though. Think I’ve got it in the bag to be honest.
Moodwise I’ve been in pretty good spirits but I still can’t shift the late night, late riser pattern, sometimes not going to bed until as late as 6am! This really had an effect the other day when more than half the day was gone by time I got up so I had to find a way to quickly salvage before unravelling further. It was surprisingly easy in the end, us humans are so basic. I put some tunes on, you know the ones… the ones that are spelt chooooons, which you have no choice but to sing along to. I took my speaker into the bathroom & had a good ol’ warble whilst I washed my hair. It was a really long, luxurious, hot shower which I followed up with putting on a happy outfit. For me that is clearly sequins. So I got dolled up, no make up necessary, dried my hair off so it felt all squeaky clean & swishy then started belting out ballads over the balcony, finishing up with a little sisqo shakedown & honestly I suddenly never felt better. It was like discovering the elixir of life, which potentially, I have. Might get this little pep list framed somewhere.
Not much else got done that day but it was a win against lockdown in my book.
The next day, after much last minute faffing that was only prolonging the pain, I finally, after 3.5 years of anticipation published the final installment of my now so-called ‘What Jade did First‘ storyline on my blog. The adventure of how I came to quit my job & life & up sticks to Hawaii to pursue love with a stranger. It feels so good to finish I can’t tell you. Such a weight has been lifted. I couldn’t let it go by without celebration, it felt like such an achievement, so I held a little party for myself & got dressed up in Hawaiian garms & had a beaut of a day with the tunes on, a-wim-awaying to my hearts content.
I had some scrubhub deliveries to do but everyone was happy to see a bit of extra colour & pizazz on my rounds so it was a lovely day. Plus I was chuffed when I managed to wedge TLCs No scrubs into an instagram post to advertise for funds due to our governments disgusting inability to get even the most basic PPE to our frontline staff. (Sadly this version doesn’t demonstrate my true brilliance; I wasn’t able to upload correct part of the song on here soz, but it was genius trust)
After dark I went live on Instagram for over an hour which was mega lols. A few people I haven’t spoken to in years popped up which is always a nice surprise plus a few amusing randoms who wanted to join in via video but all ended up shielding their face or simply turning out the light which made for great viewing. Thanks for joining. Appreciate it.
I didn’t hold back on the dancing & managed to work up a bit of a sweat which was good for my body as I clearly have not been doing enough exercise. The next day I got pulled into a video chat for my sisters best mates hen do & one of the challenges was to see how many steps you’ve done on your phones pedometer & the hen with the least had to drink. Well I won by a country mile. Saturday I only did 51! So that was enough to win by several thousand, however it took only a few more horrified scrolls to realise Thursday I did only… <drumroll> 10!! Abysmal. Must. Do. Better.
Saturday night was especially busy on the zooms because a friend sent me an invite to an online amateur dating show which is basically a take of Cillas Blind Date. Its filmed live on zoom with audience participation, a Graham with a quick recap, ornaments dressed up as contestants, while their real voices are voiced over the top, plus snippets of the previous weeks dates which are held over Skype. All in all a great watch, check out the link on their Instagram @binneddate I of course have already offered myself up as a contestant. Watch. This. Space.
Sunday was a non event. I’d run out of cutlery & hygiene was suffering as I’d been in tramp mode since my Honolulu hula so the day was mostly spent sorting the flat out & face masking, trying to get some systemic feel goods back into my life. I’d also been subsisting on a diet of baked beans & frozen vegetables as my supplies had got dangerously low so Sunday I actually managed to pull together a coherent hot meal which made for a nice change since the beans had all been “served” cold straight out the can
Anyway the fact I’m sharing pictures of bean cans with you is enough to prove this was a slow news week, not mucho to report. I can scarcely believe I used to do this diary daily. What the hell was I doing in the early days? Can barely get a paragraph out per 24 hrs now. Jeez. I guess the novel has become the mundane. I’ll be honest, even the dancing on the balcony has lost some of its sparkle. Need a new injection of fun. Will put my thinking cap on, def got to mix it up a bit, I’m getting stale here.
Though I have been busy which partly explains the lack of footsteps, hygiene & nutrition…. so here goes, I promised revelations… I’ve bigged it up a bit now, its hardly news breaking, just that simply… given the space to write I have found a new outlet that is serving me like no other. Reading is great, seminars are great, meditation is great, travelling is great. All these things I have done to great excess over the last 4 years but NOTHING I repeat NOTHING is bringing me greater insight & learning than writing. I owe much of that to lockdown & to this very diary. The accountability that this diary provides has kept me writing pretty much everyday the last 7 weeks & I am blown away by the power of the pen/keyboard. All sorts have been pouring forth from my cerebral cortex & I’m finally “doing the work” so to speak. For a long time, because I am naturally quite an upbeat, positive person, I denied that I had any issues & to a large extent I am fortunate enough to not have undergone any major trauma. HOWEVER we all have insecurities, misplaced assumptions about ourselves, hidden murky depths & obscured narratives from our childhood that may need re-modelling. We are often oblivious to these & I have been trying to exorcise these demons in a way by running round the world trying to find myself to some degree. Up until a few days ago I actually thought my big task was writing up my husband hunt journey & sharing those experiences. However its now becoming apparent that the real journey is the one that I’m embarking on NOW. Writing about how the writing makes me feel (!) & assessing my reactions to authenticity & vulnerability & digging deeper into my actual desires is really surprising me. I thought I had at least a semi grip on who I was & what I was seeking to become now I am back, but the space I have been afforded the last few weeks is allowing me to question E V E R Y T H I N G. Its unnerving but I’m going to continue to push & dare I say watching this journey unfold real time will be the true big news event, not who I did or didn’t shag in Miami Beach three summers ago (Mr Miami if you are interested though lol). Standby for some interesting articles in the coming weeks. I’m excited because whilst I’ve started them already I truly have no idea how they conclude.
It wouldn’t have happened without this amazing guy either. Life coach extraordinaire DJ, & his sidekick, Clark have been asking the right questions & providing a soundboard for the swirl of thoughts that sometimes the pen can’t solve. I’ve scoffed at the very notion of life coach for a long time, probably because of its dumb title but do you know what life coaching is precisely what it is. Everyone needs an impartial buddy or mentor to help navigate the deep waters of personal growth it just makes sense. You can get so far on your own but you will go mad without having someone to bounce off. Someone qualified with the right frameworks & questions just makes so much sense to me now its untrue. Everyone is different though & I appreciate there are various methods including therapy, CBT, regression for example but I realize I need someone able to call me up on my BS & that’s exactly what coaches do. Thinking about even becoming one myself. WHO KNEW!
Thank you DJ, I owe you big dude x
Finally I will leave you with this amazing video that really struck a chord with me & drew a little tear. 2020 vision now has a whole new meaning.
