I find myself single again this Valentines day but for the first time I won’t be pouring myself a large glass of self pity pinot. I am single firmly by choice. I ain’t even looking. Not really. I’m “on the apps” sure, but it’s gonna take a hella hunk to pin this sister down I’m telling you that now.

I’m not on the shelf, I am THE TROLLEY. I’m filling myself up 24/7 with friends, family, travel, experiences, nature, work, learning, ALL the wonderful types of love. It’s not that I don’t want someone to share my life with one day, its just I don’t NEED someone.

Sure, I haven’t always had this mindset. I have spent most of my life chasing romantic love & it has influenced many of my decisions. I just came back proposal-less after a three year husband hunt around the globe for gods sake. Yes you read correctly H U S B A N D H U N T . But why?

Society puts so much pressure on us, to find THE ONE. Someone who gets you completely, who finishes your sentences, who is reliable yet spontaneous, strong yet sensitive, who will be by your side for the next 60 years plus & make your heart flutter to your dying day.

Then you must spend a years salary on a 1 day event, buy a house, & then get on the procreation choo choo train. Never mind that your chances of seeing your tenth wedding anniversary is only 1 in 2. Why? Why are ANY of these things important?

Kudos to anybody happily achieving these milestones. If that is your journey I applaud you wholeheartedly, just don’t let society dictate to you what norms you should be living, which lifestyle you choose.I don’t have a lot of things by societal standards; I’ll be 36 in 2 months time, I’m single, my CV is practically empty, no mortgage, no pension, no children. Also whilst we are at it, my eggs are disappearing faster than the titanic, there is a definite fatty wrinkle across my forehead & the grey hairs are bringing all their mates, extended family, neighbours & pets, you name it to the funeral. However I’m telling you now, you will struggle to find anyone as content or happy as me & is that not the goal? I find joy in everything. Every day I just love life. You will often see me doing a random pirouette because I’ve just got to let some happiness out. And you know why? When you truly realise how precious this existence is, you just go for it & live freely, & boy am I living.

Too often the choice laid out for a woman is either career or children or increasingly a precarious balance of the two. I’m bucking the trend & choosing life. I am a yes woman of ridiculous proportions. A fun maximiser. A kaizen enthusiast. I enrich myself weekly with everything from stand up comedy to stem cell seminars. I seek out new experiences constantly & try everything once. I connect with nature & other humans around me at every opportunity. Hell I woke up today in a 14 bed dorm! I don’t have to, I choose to. Hard to feel single & alone when I’m meeting new people daily, laughing with the guy in the adjacent car in traffic over my wild dance moves at the wheel, having a joke with the cashier at the local Co-op. Don’t get me wrong sometimes I want to snuggle up with someone & share meaningful moments & instead I end up face planting the rug, but that’s okay I am having a human experience like everyone else. That includes ups & downs. (Plus it doesn’t hurt to have your sister/best friend on speed dial.)

Some people might say I’m being irresponsible by not focussing on building a nest egg with someone & creating the next generation but buoyed by all this activity I am a firm believer in myself & I know I’ll survive. Living now is what is important to me. The future isn’t promised so I sure as hell am not waiting for retirement.

I live my truth at every juncture. I am determined to have zero regrets. I have chosen a path where I live each day presently. If a long-term partner & children are in my future then I will embrace them with open arms & if it isn’t I will fully embrace whatever else comes my way too.

Choose you, choose life. These are the relationships that never end & will pay the real dividends. The funny thing is that in doing so you will become INFINITELY more attractive anyway & more likely to find your dream partner, plus you won’t tolerate any BS in future relationships & waste precious time – our only real commodity.

So don’t feel sorry for me this Valentine’s Day. I trust no one is feeling sorry for the single men out there – he’s got options, he’s got time, sow your seed young whippersnapper <cue eye roll> Instead let’s congratulate the single gals for not conforming & settling when they easily could. Lets embrace everyone’s right to an individual journey. Uncertainty isn’t an easy path but with the right mindset it can certainly be a fun one.