My notice period passes by slowly apart from one night on my way to dinner in Shoreditch when the roof of my convertible got stuck at a 45 degree angle, whilst attempting to make the most of some dwindling sunlight on the A40… & I had to drive 5mph all the way from Euston, with pedestrians, bus drivers & cars shouting, honking & pointing at the roof as if I was oblivious…
Oh actually I just remembered there was also a weekend staying at my pals on the Costa Blanca where I woke up in an olympic sized swimming pool of my own vomit after a sangria fuelled bender & I tried to blame it on the dog, but the less said about that the better. Sorry again for the bedsheets Linda. <shameface>
Below: a chronological depiction of the slippery sangria slope
Date: October 11th 2016
Location: some Turkish gaff in Angel
The night before my final day at River Island I dine out with some of my nearest & dearest
from F&F, including some much missed faces (& bodies – two of them are my modelling body doubles!) Such a nice occasion & even more so because several of them bought me wine. Wine is always a winner, or indeed anything that can fit into one of those bottle shaped gift bags. If you are going to a leaving do or indeed going to see anyone, I say bring wine. For reference, my favourite is Blossom Hill White Zinfandel (which is pink if you get confused & buy me the wrong one) it’s only £6.99 & is often on offer in Budgens. You just can’t go wrong. That is, except when you buy your new boyfriends mum wine & chocolate for Xmas then discover she is a Mormon & can’t have either, so then you rush out last minute & buy her some fancy tea from Whittards that cost you an arm & a leg then find out Mormons don’t drink caffeine either. Then, quite frankly I’m out of ideas. Thankfully it didn’t last. Anyway, in return for their beautiful company, I think they were just as chuffed with the vegan treats I bought them as a last ditch attempt to convert them to veganism before my retirement. Their delighted smiles said it all, apart from Michaela who forcibly spat it out – who invited her anyway? 🙂
Date: October 12th 2016
Location: RI HQ on the ever glamourous Hangar lane gyratory
My last day at River Island & the girls pull out ALL the stops & I am reduced to flat out sobs
upon arrival. The entire fit room is decked out in palm trees, hula girls & inflatable accessories; there is not an inch of space; wall, floor or desk, that isn’t covered with a tropical something or other. They have gone to so much effort I am properly stunned. What amazing colleagues I have … did have…. Wahhhhhhh! I try to quickly pull myself together & come up with a cunning plan to hide behind not one, but two pairs of comedy sunglasses to conceal my emotion. That lasts about 30 seconds however as the denim massiv come parading in wearing an array of multi-coloured leis & start me off all over again. I then utilise new diversion tactics & go about wearing as much of the tropical paraphernalia, without interfering with my job, as humanly possible, standing in a flamingo shaped bin for near enough 7 hours straight like my life depended on it. The emotion continues throughout & the whole day is spent laughing & battling tears like a bipolar hyena. It’s just the most joyous of days. I seriously contemplate whether I am doing the right thing. At 4.45pm everyone assembles to present me with a gorgeous Jade coloured ring. Sensing this will probably be the only ring I will ever be presented with I yell “I do” & attempt to slide it on my engagement finger. Their generosity is just too much & I am so unbelievably taken aback I keep the oversized sunglasses on throughout, hiding my tears, unable to believe everyone’s’ ridiculous kindness.
Afterwards I do a lap of honour of the office hi5-ing folk & unknowingly bump into Vanessa Lewis, the owner of River Island, enroute, who reportedly shakes her head in my direction as I waltz around with an inflatable crown & flamingos around both my waist & wrist (the bin had now tranformed into a haute couture garment). After the obligatory exit
photo, I then collapse in a heap in my car, (in the super gravelly, overflow car park if you really want to create a visual) partly with emotional exhaustion, but also bereft that staff shop is closed – the only place I have shopped for clothing in the last ten years. What are the chances?! Absolutely gutted! I sit in the car park for over an hour, motionless, unable to digest the staff shop thing, & of course that this is my last day in my second home. I finish the Haribo comfort food (yes whale blubber, gelatine blah blah blah, I was having a vegan day off, give a girl a break will ya, I was grieving) & slowly depart towards the A406 for the last time, but instead of giving the wanker sign to the morons who daily cut me up on the roundabout, I instead cut them some slack & think I might even miss them too.
